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It is quite hard to explain the moment you realize that you are present. I mean sometimes it strikes me that I am able and I can feel the presence. I can stretch my hand and touch things. I can smell and see things and I can feel. Just let me put a step back and report what I have observed a couple of days ago.
I walked out of my house as usual heading to work. I live not far away from my office, though I get out a little early to take a walk before work. There was a light fog from early morning that day and I could feel a brisk rain on my face. You might not know me well so I should tell you that I love cloudy, cold, rainy days. I honestly cannot resist this condition and most of the time I take long walking hours enjoying every second of it. When I get to the office I was full of energy, I greeted all my colleagues with a big smile and wished them all a great day. Even for lunch break I went to the fourth floor at a corner which has a view over the front yard. During this time of the year you have quite a good view of trees clogged themselves with colorful autumn clothes. I took my time and fell deeply into the dance of leaves and sneaky breezes while eating my lunch. I promised myself that morning if the weather stayed the same in the evening I would take a long walk before going home. Fortunately, it was somehow the same in the evening except heavier layers of fog. I felt over the moon as I see that condition. So, without any specific destination stepped to the first street and walked alongside the street then the second and then the third. Listening to my favourite playlist, singing and dancing all around the clock passing houses, shops and ranches. Magical as it was.
It was around 7, dark and colder that I thought should go home, so I just turned around and walked back the same streets. When I got to the downtown the fog was even heavier and you could barely see the shimmering light of the streets and shops. Around this time hardly you can find anyone on the street but I was excited and happy, not knowing that my night is going to take a big turn. Suddenly, out of nowhere I was petrified. It was like that my feet were glued to the ground and it seemed to be impossible to step forward. For a few seconds, I was nailed to the sidewalk. Hardly could turn my head around and look again. All of a sudden I felt so damn much tired of all that hours of walking.
It was again a reminder for me that how much my life is fragile. I imagine this might be true for all of us. The very core nature of our lives is uncertain. One who spent over ten years struggling with sickness, wakes up in the morning sound and healthy and the other champion of running marathon wakes up paralized in the morning. We casually say hello and goodbye to each other, not considering the fact that it might be our last time meeting each other. I don’t think it is a thing to worry or be regretful about, though sometimes it hurts that you missed out. You missed your chance to act on the things that might matter to you. That night when I was overdosed by that extraordinary weather and lovely walk, I mean before I got electrified by that incident, I was thinking to avoid my (stupid) pride and invite the girl I liked for a dinner. It was a long overdue invitation that I wanted to do for a long time before I see her that night vanished in the fog with a stranger having his arm wrapped around her.
Things that you might miss varies over time and mood but for sure the uncertainty nature of my life is the only constant that I can depend on.
Fun fact: For sure, tomorrow I am gonna miss this time I spent writing this, while I am struggling delivering my report.
خط پانزدهم...برچسب : نویسنده : shabruz بازدید : 105